Heal your wounds and know your true power. Trauma victims frequently have to heal their ability to be independent, to trust themselves enough to be truly independent because having been unsafe, it can be difficult to believe we can make ourselves safe. But you can learn to believe in yourself, you just have to take control of your inner dialogue as a starting place.
Remember, being independent is not just about making your own money, or all your decisions, or not allowing yourself to rely on the guidance of others before you do your own inner compass, it's also recognizing that the caretaking that you do of others is actually what you are meant to be doing for yourself. That it is an act of self-love to treat yourself with the same level of importance you do others, and if you don't currently, heal that. To truly connect to your higher self, you have to have self-love as that's where your higher self dwells, with the divine, the source of all love.
That's why the self-love that comes with independence is key to your path and truly being in your purpose. Healers give but have to recognize when it is time to stop and focus on self because the quality of healing energy is actually impacted by our own health and happiness.
Take baby steps, and it's okay that it's difficult for you. You were literally encouraged to put yourself last and made to believe that was the way it was supposed to be. That's not your fault and it was never based on your worth. See yourself as the divine does worthy of so much love that you should treat yourself with love and kindness.
Codependence is not a character flaw or a form of weakness, it's a message we receive about our worth from faulty sources that tell us we are not enough just as we are. But you are, and when you know that, you can become one with your higher self and live your purpose, be able to understand and even utilize your past pain to learn lessons to make better choices, to live your best possible life here in this world.
Healing is the true key to power because it gives you true access to your divine power.